Sometimes it is OK to Let-go of the Structure

Sometimes it is ok to let go of the structure. 

A 'breakthrough' for the Client is a moment of celebration!

As Coaches we can let the Client remain in the moment; bask in it's glory . 

Quell the urge to a logical next step, towards the next powerful question,a summary,a closure. 

Allow the Client to 'soak' in the breakthrough.

To stay in that moment 'when heaviness lifts' of lightness.

"An image that one of my teachers has given is: when you hit a gong, the moment when the sound happens is like the glimpse of the awakened state. But then you don’t keep hitting the gong. You just let the original sound continue. If you try to hit the gong again and again, then you actually end up pushing the experience further away because of your greed to keep repeating it."

The shift of perspective takes some time to be internalised; to allow that is to really allow the Process.

'Stay in it' is ok for me too - the Coach, by letting go of the imagined structure I am only allowing the Process to take its course.

I'm not a Therapist.

Today was an experience. A pure Coaching one!

The discussion was on values & limiting beliefs,

and we arrived at underlying beliefs that are self limiting my Client.

To reflect and bring that into light it required an amount of dwelling in the past - to scratch the surface a little, to look the possible How's and Why's in-the-eye, to accept the beliefs that were impeding her self expression.

In Coaching there can be many moving tracks.

This was one.

The more important one was to move ahead. To shine intent & action on the goals that were impeded so far. 

Just then, almost naturally, the track dealing in the past lost  traction - It felt heavy, limp, starting to drain energy from both of us.

Almost at the edge of gloomy!

The Coach in me stepped in.

I heard myself announce "Let's shift the gear..., allow me." Intuitively.

In response, my Client - relief and lightness in her voice - embraced the diversion,the shift.

It was magical - a palpable, dynamic shift in energy.

My Client : "You are a good Coach, this was just the right time to stop, to look ahead...". 

Humbled, grateful for the Coach in me who stepped in.

and we both gave in to the abandon of possibilities ahead.

#Trust the process#

Get Deliberate !

I feel hopeful.

I feel very hopeful on a new found thinking.

That everything that we are today, can be changed.

Change = Apprehension, Fear of unknown.

Change = Limitless Possibilities.

and the best part is,

We ( I and You) can orchestrate this Change.

I can engineer change - gradually, patiently, deliberately.

I can be party to my own limitlessness.

Sample this:

Think about Values. Did I believe that they can change? No. Aren't they inherent? Yes and feel iron-clad. Consider this : It only felt like that so far as I was  holding them tightly. Now when I hold them lightly, they seem worthy of a reframe, a shift, free to be changed or re-aligned. Does this change need to be justified. Just to be prioritised.

If Values can be worked upon, a lot else can be D.E.L.I.B.E.R.A.T.E

How do I get there ?
I ask myself 'what meaning does it bring (at this stage) to my life?'.

and now it gives me huge purpose.

So I am changing from a Default to a By Design setting. And I help me enter the tunnel towards the light of endless possibilities.

Care to join me?


Everything, almost everything can be deliberated. Fans of FRIENDS get it :)

I choose Humility - tough?! Let's settle for Gratitude !

It came to me that a 'sense of entitlement' can be a tough obstacle in the path of gratitude. For me Gratitude is a surge of humility & pure thankfulness when least expecting an experience. In the same continuumm the 'sense of entitlement' has an obvious expectation attached to it, almost allowing us to be arrogant, frustrated, rude or angry, if the expected fails us. 

Have you sampled yourself during a flight delay or a traffic jam? 

This sense of entitlement is an inhibitor for both gratitude and humility. It has the potential to frame our self perception and prevent us from being who we truly can be. It's manifested in how easily we allow frustration take centre-stage in our journey towards a life goal , many-a-time derailing the process altogether. 

The reality is that a journey is as much about the incremental miles as about the destination. And instead of feeling GRATEFUL for the gains, instead of revelling in the moments that constitute it, we allow disillusionment in! 

So shall we try shake off this Entitlement that we house so proudly in us? Can we be aware and present when it rears it's ugly head? 

Self awareness & mindful practices can be very effective enablers of gratitude & fulfilment. 

• What am I feeling ?
• Why am I feeling this ?
• Where is this coming from ?
• Who promised me that outcome that I think I deserve ?
• How is this perspective serving me?

Some powerful Qs directed at our own selves can help to distance from that 'dissatisfied-unhappy' self. 

This could be a start, don't you think?! 

NO. Is a complete sentence

Why are we guilty of a No ?

Why do we need to justify a No ?

Why do we need to explain a No ?

Why is No followed by an excuse and a heart full of anxiety ?

Why is No a negative emotion ?

Do you feel anxious after turning down someone ?


B.R.E.A.T.H.E

Listen to the Pause

This is how it was today!

I listened to the silence in the Pause. A session of pauses, some short - some longer, some drilling down further- or at the cusp of a breakthrough, some of discomfort - or of absolute calm, some in agreement - some not quite there yet.

And, all a part of what we call the process.

As a Coach I experienced the gaps, the silence, the space as powerfully as the words.

Becoming Who We already Are!

In his blogpost titled 'Becoming Who We already Are', Omid Safi - the Iranian-American Professor of Asian and Middle Eastern Studies, delves into this idea from a spiritual, Sufi- Islamic track.  Central to it is the theme that human kind is born blessed with an innate consciousness, a transformative potential and life's evolution is not in adding or learning anything new but by chipping off layers we gather blocking off this 'inner jewel'. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/omid-safi/huffjummah-becoming-who-we-already-are_b_1671294.html

To me, Coaching as a vocation, which is still evolving, derives its mainstay from this growing awareness around the value of harnessing 'the dormant human potential'. Coaching premises on faith in the innate human capability that gets layered with the dust of conditioning, beliefs and the experiences of life & living. 

This kind of admission of faith in the human being (a potential Client),  the promise of growth by learning the truth about us, this kind of open relinquishing of any subject matter expertise (Coaching believes Client is his own subject matter expert), the promise of non-advocacy, a non-judgemental and purely reflective process is also the differentiator that sets Coaching aside from other practices like Therapy, Mentoring or Consulting. What is, however, common across all these practices is where we place the ownership of the goal. For all purposes,  the Client is the seeker and is the one who has signed up to engage in a process of reflection, introspection and progress towards the goal.

This is also the common high-point between Spirituality and Coaching. Omid Safi's beautiful metaphor of the wood catching fire is evocative of this innate human potential, the 'Buddha' in us. :

"On a cool mountain night, I put on a few pieces of wood on the fire pit, and stood there watching them burn. 
Bit by bit, they gave in to the flame, and caught on fire.

After a while it dawned on me: The fire is from the wood.

The flame is simply the release of the energy inside the dormant fire.

It dawned on me : we are like this too."

With years we move away from our true nature. This is what we call in Coaching - lack of alignment. And from this misalignment with our innateness arises the dissonant self.  Dissonance spreads through life, work, relationships, self-care and potentially everywhere. 

Coaching in it's purest form guides the process of re-alignment with our core values, and who we intrinsically are. 

Enjoy the read.

Notes to Self : June 2008

They started streaming-in long back, Notes to self : I called 'em, long back when I didn't know they'll become persistent, but precious so I jotted some down; years back when  consciousness was not continuous, or in parallel, linear lines; might have been a smattering of dots, in fits & bursts. 

Today there's a dotted line, emerging, evolving, and there's reason to revive my Notes to Self.

June 3, 2008

I read the other day about Silence, that the purpose of words is to create Silence. Confusing huh! but made ample sense to me - Does every word you speak create Silence in others or turbulence & edginess. Pause & think!! Calm is a close cousin of Silence; Calm I understand very well, a kind of elevated superiority I very often experience in the midst of puerile cacophony I hear amidst people trying to win a battle of words, wit, views, beliefs. I feel no urge to join in, a detached observer, almost lazily satisfied with not joining in. May be it is arrogance, may be just my heightened sensibility that sees the uselessness of debates. Why does anything need to be this or that? Why can’t it be both? Why argue for the sake of arguing? And that happens a lot!

And Why can’t both possibilities co-exist? As each individual does – distinct. After all, isn’t everything about how each one of us view or relate to a possibility, different yet same, similar yet nuanced dissimilarly? Questions, more questions and no answers, actually why do we need answers at all, isn’t life more engaging if we have new questions every day, with only several possibilities as answers!! Consider this, maybe finding the One and Only answer will stop the quest-ing and make us lazy, indeterminate, living organisms skimming the earth!! Do I want to risk that!