My classroom with my 7-yr old {February 5'14,7:30 am}
Aaditya: "Mama(earnestly), sometimes I feel something I can't tell!
It's in the middle of happy-sad, it's in the middle of surprise-angry. It's in the middle of everything."
It's in the middle of happy-sad, it's in the middle of surprise-angry. It's in the middle of everything."
Me: "Ok I understand. Can you tell me a little more about it?"
Aaditya: " It's
something (voice trails off)... sometimes it goes down, sometimes it goes up or
it goes faster. I don't like it!"
Me: "Ok... when does it
happen?'
Aaditya: "I don't know!
Anytime it can happen. BUT I DON'T WANT TO FEEL IT!''
Here he is, a boy-child,
intimately in touch with himself. He is deep into the 'I wonder' practice of
life. A boy easily in touch with his feelings, the sensations of the highs and
lows and he is often eager to express how it makes him feel, even as it feels
in his young bones & sinews.
I flashback to my childhood - was I ever into this
practice of expressing? I grew up with 3 siblings, happy and carefree - were we
ever sharing the 'I feel' world taking place inside of us? The answer is a
revealing NO. I can clearly remember feeling these feelings, deep and
throbbing. What I cannot remember is ever venturing to share them around. It
was a different world—far muted. And I realise, that must've been the way
with many childhoods.
That's one kind of growing up.
How does this kind progress? How does it manifest
later in life?
The other end of this growing up shows
up much sooner than later in life:
•
As the Teenager we are Parents to ('My child
doesn't talk to me any more'/ 'I wonder what goes on in my daughter’s head!')
•
In the relationships we try to nurture and
possess and feel one-sided about ( I just don't know how to make her/ him
express'!)
•
As the Spouses who want to be nagged for
having a real conversation with (' I don't know what's happening in his/ her
life any more', 'I am scared to ask him/her.... just doesn't share!')
Grownups - guarded, unsure, scared to be audible,
visible, vulnerable, conditioned to view vulnerability as cowardice and
weakness, scared lest we are seen as 'not strong enough'! To make up for it, we
give fuel to small talk, chatter, the noise of nonsense as
conversation, the utmost soullessness of human connections.
The feelings muted; the decibel cacophonous.
This is how the muted-ness advances. The context is
simple albeit confusing : Feelings are weak. Expression of feelings (fear,
anger, mistrust, shame) is weakness. We are meant to exude courage, often
act invincible and any expression otherwise is akin to baring us as weak, making
us seem less human, utterly vulnerable. And this context reaches a zenith :
and soon we bottle and cocoon up in our attempt to be the strongest version of
ourselves!
Uninhibited at birth and restricted in growing up!
A Child is born open to the universe of
experiences, to be loved, to be cared for, being dolefully dependent, eager to
trust, ready to express a want - a vulnerability, to voice disagreement and
discomfort, to emote relentlessly and fearlessly. And somewhere early these
instincts get blunted, muted for the purposes of growing up. Without going into
the reasons, let's just say growing up conditions these basic human instincts.
And my realisation is that we Parents can
convincingly keep this free flowing conduit of feeling-to-expressing alive
and clog free. In the least, we can commit to prolong the duration of this
phase for unconditioned outpours and feelings.
In my private classroom with Aaditya, lessons
arrive not so much in how well he explains, it comes bundled in his urge to
express every bit of it, his willingness in his every attempt to put a word to these
indescribable highs and lows that his mind churns up. He does not stop to judge
the feeling before sharing; he does not care that it might make him sound like
a scaredy-cat. My little Teacher teaches me the sheer courage in
vulnerability, in laying bare the deepest disturbances so willingly, so
trustingly. Be it for the mundane Monday morning blues or the natural low of
missing cousins and friends in a distant country or the sheer thrill of going
on the roller coaster ride!
He is game to share anything - a flutter, a
tug or a murmur!
